


How Did It Feel?

by MellMellMell



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Coming Out, Honesty, M/M, Wise Robert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-11
Updated: 2016-06-11
Packaged: 2018-07-14 10:01:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7166609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MellMellMell/pseuds/MellMellMell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My take on a conversation between Robert and Lawrence, regarding their sexuality. With all the parallels between the two men, I thought it might be fitting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Did It Feel?

"Yeah I can get her," Lawrence heard, knowing the voice straight away, groaning inwardly, "no Aaron, it's not a problem, I can pick her up, I'll be done here anyway,"

Robert came sauntering in wearing a rather large grin and a look in his eyes Lawrence could only describe as adoration 

"Yeah yeah, I love you too," far too happily for Lawrence's liking, "see you soon" 

Robert hung up the phone with a contented sight before taking his place at his desk. 

"You could try and be a little more considerate," started the older man grumpily, "when you come waltzing in here" 

"You what?" Robert asked, confused. 

"When you come in here talking with you boyfriend, you could try and be little more considerate" 

"Oh come off it Lawrence, Chrissie and I haven't been together for ages, we've been divorced for months,"

"You still slept with that _man_ whilst you were married to her" 

"And now she's sleeping with my brother" 

The grey haired man glared back at him furiously, clearly not happy about the conversation turning towards his daughters sex life. No, thought Robert, he's not doing this. 

"And it was hardly dirty talk, we were discussing who was picking Liv up from school, not the sexiest conversation," he could help but make a dig though, it was Lawrence after all, "but enough to get you going eh old man" laughing to himself. 

The two of them sat there, in awkward silence, doing their work. Well Robert was, Lawrence couldn't concentrate. He couldn't help but sneak glances at the younger man every few seconds. He had once been a younger version of me, thought Lawrence. Closeted and scared, and now look at him. He and Aaron were one of the happiest couples in the village. They were often seen walking around hand in hand, kissing goodbye and cuddling outside the pub. They even had a teenager. This was everything Lawrence had ever wanted. Yet here he was, still closeted, still scared, and still holding on to a dead marriage. 

"How did it feel?" Robert looked over at the man he had once admired, a long long time ago, and knew exactly what he was asking. 

"It was.. strange," began Robert, "having everyone know. I thought I would be embarrassed, ashamed but I wasn't. I mean I was about hurting Chrissie but not about Aaron, not about.. it being a guy. I thought I would have let everyone down, being with a man, I mean I would have if my dad had been there. But no one really cared it was a guy, they were just disappointed about the affair. They were confused but they got over that quickly." 

He looked over at Lawrence and could see the pain etched across his features. 

"I wish I had had the guts to admit how I felt before it go so out of hand. I was a coward though, a bully, I let it bring out the worse in me. Which is so stupid cause Aaron brings out the very best. For a while he was the only one who saw it" 

Robert knew he should probably stop, as he looked at previous father-in-law. He could see the tears beginning to form. He knew what this man was going through, he had been him once upon a time. No-one he though, not even Lawrence, should feel that way. 

"But now, wow now, life is perfect. I mean it's not, Liv is a moody cow, and Aaron's just as bad. We live in the pub with Chas who is scarier than I would like to admit. We fight a lot, and there were some... difficult times at the start of the year. But it was all worth it. Cause.." Deep breath, tell him how you feel, this could help, "I love him. Always have. And I'm happier, and better for it." 

Lawrence's head snapped up at the honesty of the blonde man. He had never known Robert as honest, but he believed every word he was saying. 

"I know I might be over stepping the line Lawrence, but I saw you, you and Ronnie. I was in looking at one of the flats, for me, Aaron and Liv, and I saw you. I know that look, the scared but completely in love look." 

"Don't, Robert, you are right you are over stepping," spat Lawrence, rising quickly from his chair, 

"No Lawrence wait, I get what you are going through. Well to a certain extent, I never had the prison and I didn't have as many years hiding but I know what it's like to not want to feel that way" 

Lawrence turned back to him, "I'm listening" 

Rising from his chair he stood in front of Lawrence, a table between them, 

"I didn't want to love Aaron. I wanted Chrissie. I wanted the money, and the status and the love of her. But I needed the love of Aaron, I still do, everyday. And now I want it. I would die if he were gone. Don't spend what could be the last years of your life running from love. If I'm being honest Lawrence you are hardly in the best of health, don't waste anymore years running from you. You deserve better. And if he is still here, after all these years, then maybe you still have a chance to be as happy as you have always wanted to be" 

Lawrence took a deep breath, he had nothing to say, nothing he could say. Robert was right. Of course he was, as annoying as that might be. He did love Ronnie, he did want to be that happy, but after all this time, could he really give in to that. 

"I.." Began Lawrence, 

"Hey, look, you don't have to explain anything to me, I have to go get Liv anyway," he grabbed his jacket and his keys, "but just think about it. Bernice is my step-sister technically and she is a good woman. She'll understand, if you are honest. Just, think about you first, I know that sounds so typically Robert but I mean it. What do you really want?"

Robert gave the man an affectionate slap on the shoulder, before leaving to drive to the school. 

This left Lawrence, standing alone, with only his thoughts for company. He wasn't sure what compelled him. Maybe it was Robert, everything he had said made sense, and he was living, breathing proof that it could work out. Maybe it was being tired, tired of all these years of hiding. Whatever it was, he took his mobile from his jacket pocket and dialled the only number left to call. 

"Hello, Larry," answered Ronnie.

Maybe things would work out after all.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed it! Just a my wee take on what could happen. Any spelling, grammar errors etc, sorry! Let me know what you think!


End file.
